we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
