So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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