I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
