dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
