kristin has been a bad kristin
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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