remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
