then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
third nipple confirmed
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
