my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
