He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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