Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
