omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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