Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
