After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
