i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I FOUND THE LEGS
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
