he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Randomize
