If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Randomize
