Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
