I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
