I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
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