do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
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That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
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I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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