Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
