found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
