i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
