I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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