the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
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