Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
