Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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