My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
