Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
