im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
