The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
