Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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