We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
