Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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