it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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