i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
