you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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