Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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