I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
well most of my day revolves around power hour
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
