also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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