Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
