Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
