Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
