everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
