Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
