What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
