I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
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Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
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we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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