If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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