Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
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