I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
