A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
