She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
