I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
