There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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