I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Randomize
