Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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