Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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