I wish my penis had an off switch
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
COCAINE IS GR8
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize