So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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