whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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