your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Randomize
