He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
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I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch