people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.