why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.