his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
These 25 Irresponsible People Blew All Their Cash On Drugs, Booze, & Sex
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration