Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
