I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!