Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar