Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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