census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
