a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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