we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
