We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
