Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Sorry my hands just texted you
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Randomize
