All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Randomize
