can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
