take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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