anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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