Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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