So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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